By Cathy Burns

In his book The Psychology of Winning, Denis Waitley states:
 
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.”
 
I assumed that when I achieved certain goals, then I would be happy. When I graduate college, get the job, find the man, get married, have the house, etc., then I would be happy. But the happiness never lasted. There was always another goal to achieve. It turns out humans are wired this way. It’s called “hedonic adaptation.”

Hedonic adaptation means we end up about as happy as we were before getting there and ​achieving the goal. It’s why lottery winners end up around the same level of happiness as they were before they won the big bucks. Hedonic adaptation explains why the new car isn’t exciting after a while. This is actually a good thing. It means we set new goals and try new experiences. The downside is we don’t stay happy for long when our sources of happiness are external.
 
Most of my life I’ve been a pessimist (or a realist with a negative bent). It’s easy for me to see what can go wrong with a situation or idea.
 
One day I came across the following Tony Robbins’ quote on Facebook (hey, where else do you get your inspirational sayings?).

​I’m not sure if he is the original author, but this was an eye opener for me. What a concept! I printed it out and it hangs on my office wall to this day, right next to Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow saying “the problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” Brilliant!
 
So how can love, grace, and gratitude help us have a happier attitude? 

Love
Positive psychology tells us that social support and relationships are strong predictors of happiness (Diener & Seligman, 2002). Our social relationships do more than improve our ability to be happy. They help us to be healthy (Umberson & Montez, 2010). There is a clear link between the number and quality of social connections and markers for physical and emotional health. So spend time with friends. Your attitude and body will thank you.

Grace
Grace is our connection to the divine, however you define it. Research demonstrates that having some type of spiritual life contributes to your overall happiness and well-being (Ivtzan, Chan, Gardner & Prashar, 2013). Even if you don’t believe in a higher power, simply practicing meditation on a regular basis strengthens your ability to stay in a happy place (West, 2016, p.259).

Gratitude
This is the powerhouse. Study after study show practicing gratitude improves your mood. I don’t think there’s any mistake that attitude is part of gratitude. Let me take you through an example. I’m driving to work, I’m running late, it’s raining and I packed my lunch because I didn’t have enough money to eat out. I hate my job and I’m fighting with my husband. To top it off some jerk cuts me off and I almost crashed. I’m guessing some version of this will be fairly familiar to most of us. What exactly am I supposed to be grateful for in this scenario?
 
I’m grateful my car works and I’m not taking the city bus. I’m grateful I have a job to help me cover my expenses, even if I don’t like it. I’m grateful I have food to eat. I’m grateful that the guy didn’t make me crash and I am safe and sound. I’m grateful my husband and I will sit down and discuss the issue as we have every other issue and manage to come out on the other side.

If you want the spiritual experience of happiness, spend time with friends, connect to a higher power, and actively practice gratitude. We may not be able to travel to happiness and stay there, but we can always find our way back.
 
 Sources:

1. Diener, E., & Seligman, M. (2002). Very happy people. Psychological Science, 13, 81-84.
2. Ivtzan, I., Chan, C.P., Gardner, H.E., & Prashar, K. (2013). Linking religion and spirituality with psychological well-being: examining self-actualisation, meaning in life, and personal growth initiative. Journal of Religious Health, 52, 915-929.
3. Peterson, C. (2006). A Primer in Positive Psychology. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, Inc.
4. Umberson, D. & Montez, J.K. (2010). Social relationships and health: A flashpoint for health policy. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 51, S54-S66.
5. West, M. (2016).  The psychology of meditation: Research and practice. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, Inc.

 

In A Scent of Sage, my debut novel, I quoted Peace Pilgrim, a woman who walked across America for the cause of peace, with nothing but a travel apron and good shoes. She said, "If we knew how powerful our thoughts were, we would never again have another negative thought." Her message has never been needed more.
Waves of despair threaten to engulf us day after day, as we watch the violence, killing, and hatred, even in the name of religion. The headline for a recent New York Times column was: "Make America Hate Again." It's enough to threaten anyone's peace, even in a South Pacific paradise. It would be so easy to drown in powerlessness. Yet, many of us wonder, what can I do about it? The heart of the world seems to be breaking, but perhaps it is breaking open.
As author Steven Covey says, "Between the stimulus and the response, there is always choice." Our primitive urge to retaliate -- to wipe the bad guys off the face of the earth -- can be transformed into resolve. Besides, as cartoon figure Pogo says, "We have met the enemy, and they are us."

​The world doesn't have to fall apart on our watch. Each of us can decide. We can choose not to cave in to despondency. Indian peace activist Mahatma Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Let that be our communal motto.
Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Gustave Jung taught that humanity is powerfully linked by the "collective unconscious". In fact, this is true, he said, of all sentient beings. Do you remember the story about "the hundredth monkey"? In 1952, scientists were studying the behavior of monkeys on Koshima Island in Japan. In order to coax them out of the jungle, they began throwing fruit and vegetables onto the sand. One monkey took his sweet potato covered with sand and washed it in the sea. Younger monkeys watched and learned. By the time the 100thmonkey followed suit, instantly this learned behavior spread across the water to monkeys on other islands. It had mysteriously entered their awareness. The thought and the act had reached critical mass. Isn't there hope, then, among us humans, at a time when social media connects the world in moments?
Every one of us has the power to create a ripple effect across the world, with every thought, word, and act. We can be a catalyst for love and for any virtue we set our minds to cultivate. As Voltaire said in Candide, "Tend your own garden." The Baha'i teachings say, "Replace a thought of war with a thought of peace, a thought of hate with a thought of love." This simple act has the power to create a sea change in our own lives, and thus in the collective awareness of humanity.
For my part, I have resolved to give up my inner grumbling about the state of politics, especially because I seem to have unpacked an old habit of cursing. The last thing I want is to be the curse I don't want to see at this tipping point! I intend to be part of the change for good. I want to help virtues go viral. Those of us who choose hope have our inner work cut out for us. There are 4 principles for change I heard recently in a talk at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints:

1. Don't delay.
2. Never give up.
3. Remember the joy it will bring.
4. You're never too old.

I remember the shock and devastation of 9/11. Afterwards, in towns across America, Muslim families were no longer safe or welcome. In one community, a mother of four was afraid to leave her house, because she wore a headscarf in obedience to her Faith. Then, something strange began to happen. Little by little, all the women began to don scarves in the Moslem style, as they shopped, or dined or walked around town, or went to church.
Peace is giving up the love of power for the power of love. Starting with self-care, weigh your words, and even more importantly cleanse your inner thoughts. Use positive language. Change anger into a call for justice, fear into prayerful trust, criticism into acceptance, helplessness into service. Above all, spread love in your household, your community and the world. Together, we can be the tipping point that just might make all the difference.

By Cathy Burns
Master Facilitator for The Virtues Project

​I recently attended an online webinar based on the book “A Pace of Grace: The Virtues of a Sustainable Life” by Linda Kavelin-Popov. A sustainable life is about doing more of what I choose to do and less of what drains me. It means taking the time out each day to recharge and keeping self-care at the top of my priority list, not the bottom. Sustainability is about moderation and focusing on your passion. Here are 5 of the strategies I’ve found the most helpful.
 
Meditate
Even brief meditation has been shown to reduce  fatigue, improve working memory and executive function. Too busy to meditate? How about mediating in the shower? Savor the feeling of the water cleansing your body and spirit. You can even meditate while driving – with your eyes open! Focus on breathing in and breathing out. When a thought comes, acknowledge it and return to your breath. This type of mindfulness mediation has been shown to reduce anxiety. 

Connect with Friends
According to researcher Emma Seppala, strong social  connections improve mental health, boost the immune system and may even help you live longer. Connecting with friends is more than sending a text or “liking” their Facebook status. It means real connection. Got 5 minutes? Call up and say “Hey, I only have a few minutes, but I was thinking of you and just wanted to touch base.” Ask them how they are and really listen. Schedule face time too. Meet for coffee or setup a lunch date (you gotta eat).
 
Play
What gives you joy? What brings meaning to your life? These are just a few of the questions from “Plan a Sustainable Life,” a handout from my POG Webinar. Until I thought about it, I realized I hadn’t done anything “just for fun” for months! So I schedule a board game night with the gals (hey, it’s my idea of fun) and laughed for hours with them! Bonus: This satisfied both Play and Connecting with Friends. (Here is the handout for "Plan a Sustainable Life."
 
Create a Sacred Space
For many of those who live in my home state of Florida, this is paradise. Just going outside is being in a sacred space. Not so for me. I don’t dig the tropical climate, the palm trees and sandy beaches. I long for cool weather in the 50’s, beautiful tall trees and forest paths. So I created a sacred space in my home office. It’s where I meditate, work, and sometimes daydream. I keep live plants in my office, as even a glimpse of nature is enough to have a positive impact on health and life satisfaction. Whether a place in nature or a corner of your room, find or create a space that soothes and nourishes your spirit.

By Linda Kavelin-Popov

In A Scent of Sage, my debut novel, I quoted Peace Pilgrim, a woman who walked across America for the cause of peace, with nothing but a travel apron and good shoes. She said, "If we knew how powerful our thoughts were, we would never again have another negative thought." Her message has never been needed more.

Waves of despair threaten to engulf us day after day, as we watch the violence, killing, and hatred, even in the name of religion. The headline for a recent New York Times column was: "Make America Hate Again." It's enough to threaten anyone's peace, even in a South Pacific paradise. It would be so easy to drown in powerlessness. Yet, many of us wonder, what can I do about it? The heart of the world seems to be breaking, but perhaps it is breaking open.
​
As author Steven Covey says, "Between the stimulus and the response, there is always choice." Our primitive urge to retaliate -- to wipe the bad guys off the face of the earth -- can be transformed into resolve. Besides, as cartoon figure Pogo says, "We have met the enemy, and they are us."

By Jessica Scott

“There is no way to Peace -- Peace IS the way” ~ Ghandi
 
This is possibly the most difficult topic to write about when emotions are high and the pain is raw. The tragic events of Orlando, the loss of 49 human lives listed here http://www.cityoforlando.net/blog/victims/ , of Philando Castile, Alton Sterling and the 5 police officers in Dallas, and the young singer, Christina Gimmie,  is a devastating blow to humanity and the fundamental values of being human: happiness, love and life itself. We support and send love to our fellow brothers and sisters with our deepest condolences for all affected by these tragedies in Orlando.
 
By writing this piece, I seek not to change the world or people – I simply seek a deeper understanding of that which I have no control over and how others react to any given situation. I am writing this piece to dig deeper within myself – to find peace in the wake of this tragedy and acceptance of what is beyond my control. How can anyone make sense of the insensible? In times of conflict, I find there are several virtues that help me to gain strength and insight. The following virtues call to me to create within me and with others unity, peace, tolerance, acceptance, compassion and love. 

by Nicole Slaughter-Graham

I used to think assertiveness was a negative trait. I struggled with voicing my opinion in a manner that was both true to me and respectful to others, because I wanted to be liked. What I didn’t realize was my inability to assert my truth negatively affected my relationships and my personal serenity. The Virtues Project definition of Assertiveness really made clear the importance of this specific trait:

By Linda Kavelin-Popov. Reprinted with permission

When I did a Virtues Pick for 2016, I received Determination. This virtue is all about discerning the path we want to take, the one we feel led to take, then setting goals, and achieving them, step by step. It often begins with a vision. Proverbs 29:18 says, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." In the children's book, Alice in Wonderland, Alice is lost, and asks the Cheshire Cat which path to take. The cat wisely says, "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."
​
Here are some steps to take when practicing the virtue of Determination.

1. The first and perhaps most important step is to decide what you want to do, or where you want to go with your life and energy. Set your intention. What goal is worthy of great effort? It doesn't have to be a big goal, just one that matters to you. It could be a personal goal such as quitting smoking, or turning an unhappy relationship into a happy one, solving a problem in our lives, or overcoming a financial challenge.
   
   
2. For me, it begins with prayer and meditation. As Albert Einstein, the great physicist said, "I want to know God's thoughts. The rest are details." Aligning our vision with God's will for us is true spiritual efficiency.
   
   
3. After you choose a goal, create a clear picture of it. Use the full power of your mind to imagine the goal being accomplished. Some people make a "vision board" with images that represent what they are aiming for.
   
   
4.  Make a plan, with the steps you will take to achieve your goal.
   
   
5. Take each step with discipline, trust and faith, and finish what you start.
   ​
6. When you achieve your goal, pause for applause! Celebrate your achievement and give thanks for the help you have received along the way.

By Nicole Graham-Slaughter

The above stated question comes straight from The Virtues Project™ deck of cards, and it references the Virtue of Devotion. Lately, I’ve been inspired by many different forms of devotion I’ve been blessed to witness, and I’d like to take a look at a few examples.
 
A beautiful woman that I know and respect has an incredible voice—the kind that arouses a deep misty-eyed emotional response. For a long time, though she knew singing was her calling, she faltered because of self-doubt. Her devotion to her craft wavered. 

​But in the past year, her growth has been immeasurable. She let go of that which held her back and renewed her devotion to her incredible talent. She walked through fear and pursued her passion. Her calling—singing—called within her in a way that she could not resist. Now, her career is flourishing. She’s been blessed time and again with another venue to share her gift, and I can attest to the fact that the world is a better place because of her gift. 

By Linda Kavelin-Popov. Reposted with permission from ​http://gracefulendings.net/blog/