By: Jessica Scott, Secretary for the Virtues Circle
I remember the first day of Kindergarten. The crowded hallways, people I didn’t know and the unfamiliarity of it all – I began to cry, because I knew my mom was going to leave me, and I just couldn’t understand why she would leave me in such a strange place with all of those strangers. I was terrified. But leaving wasn’t an option, so I had to muster up the courage and get on with it. My mom dried my tears and I entered the classroom, scared out of my mind.
I have what is known as Social anxiety and General Anxiety Disorder and to top that off, I’m an introvert! It’s difficult for me to “socialize”, especially with unfamiliar people. Although, I smile at people when they pass by, I do my best not to engage. Sure, I made friends, many in fact, but I never initiated the first move of introduction. Growing up, many of my peers thought I was a snob, because I was distant. Later, when they got to know me, they understood it as shyness. I had hoped this would subside into my adult years, but it got worse.
I never learned to cope with my anxiety or fears; I just covered them up. Because of this, I was still that little girl on her first day of school over and over again. As long as I hide behind my fear, I'm not engaged in my life; I'm not growing as a human being. Life is about living, learning and growing, but how was I to grow if I was cowering behind my fears? Fears that limited and robbed me of life experience. How does one grow past their fears and embrace courage?
The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all - The Princess Diaries, 2001, Rene Auberjonois
What it means to have Courage
Courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear; courage is finding the strength in the presence of fear. Fear is the beginning of courage, it’s part of the process. It’s the ability to say, “Hey, this scares the socks off of me, but I’m going to face it head on.” We try new things and tap into our adventurous side.
Courage is stepping out of your comfort zone. It's not always easy to get back up after a failure, but when we find our courage and try again, we learn more and more that without giving up and going after our goal, we can succeed. Doing the right thing in the face of adversity is courage. We call on our other core values, integrity, honesty and responsibility to stand up for what we know to be right. We set healthy boundaries, like saying no, instead of people pleasing and saying yes to opportunities. Courage is also needed when we make a mistake and need to take ownership of that mistake. We make amends. We may feel scrutinized by our peers, but we pull ourselves up and face adversity with all of the courage we posses to right those errors.
Courage is stepping out of your comfort zone. It's not always easy to get back up after a failure, but when we find our courage and try again, we learn more and more that without giving up and going after our goal, we can succeed. Doing the right thing in the face of adversity is courage. We call on our other core values, integrity, honesty and responsibility to stand up for what we know to be right. We set healthy boundaries, like saying no, instead of people pleasing and saying yes to opportunities. Courage is also needed when we make a mistake and need to take ownership of that mistake. We make amends. We may feel scrutinized by our peers, but we pull ourselves up and face adversity with all of the courage we posses to right those errors.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. - Ambrose Redmoon (James Neil Hollingworth)
Face Everything And Rise! - F.E.A.R.
Face everything and rise!? This is the complete opposite of what I used to do - Find Escapes And Run! That was my motto! Not a very good one, I admit. I wasn't facing anything; I was too busy running in the opposite direction. This began to get old. I was tired of missing out on opportunities and life experience. I needed to make a change, but how? Well, once I understood what courage really was, the next step for me was to acknowledge my fears. I needed to accept these fears, confront them and take ownership. By acknowledging them, I could recognize the problem and make changes to Rise!
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
-Reinhold Niebuhr
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
-Reinhold Niebuhr
I took Speech, three times in college. I dropped it after two weeks the first two times around. By the third attempt, I knew I had to take it, as it was required. My first speech was an introduction of myself and the career I saw for myself after college. I told myself, everyone else is nervous and this is for a grade. It’s not like my classmates are going to throw rocks at me. It was the anticipation that messed with me. I got up to the podium and felt my throat tighten. I looked out into the crowd of the strange faces and felt faint. I began to sweat and it felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a moment and said the Serenity Prayer. About half way into my speech I felt confidence and I began making eye contact with everyone. I felt some relief, the first speech was over. I faced my fear, I looked it right in the eye and I passed that class with an A. It got easier and easier each time I stepped up to the podium.
What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything? - Vincent Van Gogh
What’s the worst that could happen?
Determine whether you have a good reason to be afraid. Is it really life threatening? Fear is a necessary human emotion. It is a survival mechanism. But there are fears that hold us back from living. Is this fear holding you back? Learn as much as you can about the source of your fear. How does it hold so much power over you?
I recently went to a large convention with thousands of people. THOUSANDS! The streets were packed. We filled the entire Georgia Dome! It was nuts! Luckily, I was with some great friends, who knew of my fear of crowds. With their support, I was a part of something amazing. Sure, I had a few moments of panic, but I found the courage to rise above my fear. I continued to remind myself, "You're not going to die, you're not going to be harmed, there's nothing to fear. These are just fears manifested by my mind." Even though I knew these logical things, it didn't erase the fact that I had the fear, but it did reinforce my inner strength to persevere. Our minds are powerful and they can, at times, hold us captive when we feed illogical thoughts. I chose not to feed my fear, instead I fed my courage. I embraced the experience and I didn't have any regrets. I survived and had fun, too!
I recently went to a large convention with thousands of people. THOUSANDS! The streets were packed. We filled the entire Georgia Dome! It was nuts! Luckily, I was with some great friends, who knew of my fear of crowds. With their support, I was a part of something amazing. Sure, I had a few moments of panic, but I found the courage to rise above my fear. I continued to remind myself, "You're not going to die, you're not going to be harmed, there's nothing to fear. These are just fears manifested by my mind." Even though I knew these logical things, it didn't erase the fact that I had the fear, but it did reinforce my inner strength to persevere. Our minds are powerful and they can, at times, hold us captive when we feed illogical thoughts. I chose not to feed my fear, instead I fed my courage. I embraced the experience and I didn't have any regrets. I survived and had fun, too!
What’s the best case scenario? Can you learn from it?
Start seeing fear as an opportunity. Grab a hold of the courage within you and begin confronting your fear. Visualize your fear and think about all of the possible outcomes. Ask yourself if they are logical or plausible. Challenge your thoughts of what it is you are afraid of. Is there truth in your fear? See the possibilities that will be open to you if you took the action despite your fear. Is this fear holding you back from living life or accomplishing things you desire?
Journal your fears – visualize yourself persevering despite your fears, imagine the outcome you want- turn it into a growing experience. Take this opportunity to enrich your life. I have missed out on a lot in my life, due to my fears. I never learned how to overcome anxiety or deal with life on life’s terms when I was escaping and avoiding. With courage, I am able to become more familiar with the unknown that I fear. I am able to grow as a human being and expose myself to a new healthy life. I begin to learn more about myself and find the courage and strength to open myself to new paths that I once thought were impossible. With courage I have a chance for growth and truth. My fears exist in my mind, but they are not in control of me unless I let them.
Journal your fears – visualize yourself persevering despite your fears, imagine the outcome you want- turn it into a growing experience. Take this opportunity to enrich your life. I have missed out on a lot in my life, due to my fears. I never learned how to overcome anxiety or deal with life on life’s terms when I was escaping and avoiding. With courage, I am able to become more familiar with the unknown that I fear. I am able to grow as a human being and expose myself to a new healthy life. I begin to learn more about myself and find the courage and strength to open myself to new paths that I once thought were impossible. With courage I have a chance for growth and truth. My fears exist in my mind, but they are not in control of me unless I let them.
Courage transforms fear into action
You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor. - Aristotle
It’s the unknown that scares me. The more I am exposed to the unknown, the more familiar I get with it and begin to find I’m okay and stronger than I knew. There are times, I need a break. I accept this, because I don't want to overdo it. I just take in some down time to recollect myself. It's exhilarating, but it's also exhausting when facing fears.
For me, it takes time and small steps. This past year I have made a lot of steps, going beyond my comfort zone. I have had to meet many “strangers” and attend large events. Usually, I would become withdrawn in such scenarios, but on these occasions I accepted the fear and anxiety and did not focus on any expectations. I just stayed in the moment and embraced the experiences. Had I been in my head consumed by fear, I would have missed several golden opportunities. I found that when I am present and let go of expectations, I gain acceptance of others and I become more open to possibilities. All it takes is a simple action to reinforce your courage and lessen the fear. It is also important to continue to engage with these things I need courage for. I have to work on my courage and continue to expose myself to new experiences and I continue to grow as an individual. Each occasion grants me more strength through courage and the fear lifts more and more.
For me, it takes time and small steps. This past year I have made a lot of steps, going beyond my comfort zone. I have had to meet many “strangers” and attend large events. Usually, I would become withdrawn in such scenarios, but on these occasions I accepted the fear and anxiety and did not focus on any expectations. I just stayed in the moment and embraced the experiences. Had I been in my head consumed by fear, I would have missed several golden opportunities. I found that when I am present and let go of expectations, I gain acceptance of others and I become more open to possibilities. All it takes is a simple action to reinforce your courage and lessen the fear. It is also important to continue to engage with these things I need courage for. I have to work on my courage and continue to expose myself to new experiences and I continue to grow as an individual. Each occasion grants me more strength through courage and the fear lifts more and more.
I have tapped into a new strength; a strength I believed was beyond my reach.
I am more open and finding a new zest for life. I'm embracing my fears that have had control over everything I did. Instead of fighting, I am existing and experiencing life. I’ve learned a great deal about courage and how easily it comes when I give up the fight and just go for it. I’ve learned I am not as incapable as I once thought. Celebrate those courageous steps; every time you face your fear is a victory of courage.
You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor. - Aristotle
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