I used to think assertiveness was a negative trait. I struggled with voicing my opinion in a manner that was both true to me and respectful to others, because I wanted to be liked. What I didn’t realize was my inability to assert my truth negatively affected my relationships and my personal serenity. The Virtues Project definition of Assertiveness really made clear the importance of this specific trait:
Assertiveness is speaking one’s truth with peaceful confidence. It is discerning the song we were given to sing and using our talents as a gift to the world. We have the courage to speak up for what we believe is right. We tell the truth about what is just. Assertiveness comes from knowing our own worth, and honoring the dignity of who we are. We stand on our own holy ground and set boundaries without guilt. We never beg or make demands. We ask for what we need by making simple, positive requests. We treat ourselves with respect and expect respect at all times.
After reading this definition, I realized my ability to assert my truth in a respectful and courageous manner gave me peace and serenity and actually helped my relationships with other and myself. Before I learned to assert my truth, I didn’t know who I was or what I stood for. Rather than following my own passions, hopes and dreams, I allowed the passions, hopes and dreams of others dictate my life.
In fact, Mayo Clinic reports many physical and mental benefits to being Assertive. For instance, lack of Assertiveness can lead to mental stress and resentments, which are both unhealthy on the body and in relationships.
Assertive behavior helps one gain control of his or her emotions, leads to gaining respect from peers, and promotes positive, honest relationships.
Let me be clear: Assertiveness and aggressive behavior are not one in the same. This was my biggest roadblock when cultivating my own assertive nature. I thought I was being aggressive and disrespectful, but that’s not the case. Here are the differences:
In fact, Mayo Clinic reports many physical and mental benefits to being Assertive. For instance, lack of Assertiveness can lead to mental stress and resentments, which are both unhealthy on the body and in relationships.
Assertive behavior helps one gain control of his or her emotions, leads to gaining respect from peers, and promotes positive, honest relationships.
Let me be clear: Assertiveness and aggressive behavior are not one in the same. This was my biggest roadblock when cultivating my own assertive nature. I thought I was being aggressive and disrespectful, but that’s not the case. Here are the differences:
| Assertive Behavior Expresses needs and opinions calmly and respectfully Assertive communication is collaborative, and solution seeking | Assertive Behavior Expresses needs and opinions calmly and respectfully Assertive communication is collaborative, and solution seeking |
When we are assertive, we express our truth in a manner that is both respectful and effective. In doing so, we give others the space and confidence to do the same. When we can be honest with others, we cultivate true, lasting relationships. These relationships are much healthier than those characterized by aggressive or passive aggressive communication.
How do you use Assertiveness in your relationships? Do you struggle with Assertiveness?
How do you use Assertiveness in your relationships? Do you struggle with Assertiveness?
Virtues Reflection Card courtesy of The Virtues Project
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