NPR recently reported that we are less empathetic when we’ve been through the same situation as someone else. So wait… what does this mean? According to NPR, if someone comes to you needing sympathy because they’re struggling with the burden of being a single parent, but you too, are a single parent, then you might not have as much empathy as someone who isn’t a single parent.
When I first heard this, I thought there was no way it was true. Surely, someone who’s been through the same situation as another person would have more empathy right? They know where that person is coming from. They can identify with the feelings and burdens that situation entails, right? Apparently not. According to NPR’s social science correspondent, Shankar Vedantam, a person who has been through the same predicament you have is going to show less empathy because he or she deals with that same problem on a daily basis. It’s actually better to reach out to someone who hasn’t experienced your hardship if you want to receive empathy.
When I first heard this, I thought there was no way it was true. Surely, someone who’s been through the same situation as another person would have more empathy right? They know where that person is coming from. They can identify with the feelings and burdens that situation entails, right? Apparently not. According to NPR’s social science correspondent, Shankar Vedantam, a person who has been through the same predicament you have is going to show less empathy because he or she deals with that same problem on a daily basis. It’s actually better to reach out to someone who hasn’t experienced your hardship if you want to receive empathy.
When I thought about this concept through an objective lens, I realized Vedantam might be onto something. When someone has come to me with relationship issues, I am, indeed less empathetic if the issue is something I’ve experienced. I want that person to move past the issue just as I have. I want that person to see the futility of fighting with their partner over said issue or feeling self-conscious over said issue because I know what’s to come on the other side. And while my motives are good (I don’t want the person to suffer), I’m discounting their feelings as they are in the middle of the situation.
So then I started thinking, what can I do to be empathetic across the board, no matter if I’ve experienced what someone is going through or not? Here’s what I came up with:
Take a step back
In order to show empathy, I have to take a step back from my own experience. I can do this by remembering that I am in a different place now, but the person in front of me is suffering. I can remember what that suffering felt like, and I can extend support to that person.
So then I started thinking, what can I do to be empathetic across the board, no matter if I’ve experienced what someone is going through or not? Here’s what I came up with:
Take a step back
In order to show empathy, I have to take a step back from my own experience. I can do this by remembering that I am in a different place now, but the person in front of me is suffering. I can remember what that suffering felt like, and I can extend support to that person.
Listen better
One of the best ways to show empathy is to listen better. Sometimes, a person just needs a friend to listen. If I’m caught up in memories of my own experiences, then I’m not listening as intently as I could be. Instead, I can give my full focus to the person in front of me. I can listen intently to their story. I can watch their facial expressions and interpret their body language to better understand how they are affected by their situation.
These are just a couple of ways we can be more empathetic toward our friends, family and peers. What can you add to this list?
One of the best ways to show empathy is to listen better. Sometimes, a person just needs a friend to listen. If I’m caught up in memories of my own experiences, then I’m not listening as intently as I could be. Instead, I can give my full focus to the person in front of me. I can listen intently to their story. I can watch their facial expressions and interpret their body language to better understand how they are affected by their situation.
These are just a couple of ways we can be more empathetic toward our friends, family and peers. What can you add to this list?
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